Day 1: Thank You, Next
So I am writing this blog post a little randomly. I decided in the middle of the day that I wanted to get back to normal blogging. Like, back when we had Zanga. Before Blogger was our go to blog site. Before Tumblr. (Yes, I know I am dating myself but who cares, I earned it).
Why Am I Getting Back Into Blogging?
Well aside from doing the beauty blogging thing, I want to get back to traditional blogging before the niches. Blogging, it’s a lot like keeping a diary just it’s online and everyone can read it. I think I communicate better in written form. I also missing writing. Also, if I have no one to talk to, I always have myself. And who knows, something I may write here could help someone who happens upon it.
What to Expect
Nothing. Not a single thing. I have no template laid out. I don’t plan to tell a well thought out story. I just want to be able to be myself, in my own space. Doing my own thing. Not following grammar rules and probably spelling stuff wrong. Saying whatever. Living my best life.
Resolutions? I don’t have any. But I have a few things I want to work on.
Spending more time on myself (outside of napping)
A lot of these may seem strange. I had a rough 2018. 2017 ended pretty rough for me. I went through a breakup, grew distance from a few friends I felt I was really close to, dealt with work drama and my cousin was murdered. 2018 I wanted a fresh start to everything. What I got instead was unexpected bills that put me behind, this blog falling behind as I could not keep up or keep consistent because I was doing it all on my own at that point and neither my personal or professional life were advancing in the way that I planned. In 2018, I lost hold of myself. I lost control of my emotions and did not feel like myself. To put it as direct as I can, I was burnt out, overwhelmed and little did I know, going through a nervous breakdown at the age of 30 that came out of nowhere.
My anxiety was getting the best of me. The depression held me prisoner and I didn’t know where to start to ask for help or talk to someone. I will probably talk about it a little more in later posts if you want to hear about or have questions (leave a comment below or send an email!).
I took a leave of absence from work for 2 weeks and just did nothing but allow myself time to just collect myself and assess what I really wanted in life. ((Spoiler Alert: I didn’t figure it out)). But what I did figure out was that I was searching for a purpose. I had lost a lot of the things that I thought were important, that I had my focus on to give me happiness. I had no control over those things. They were taken from me and along with it, what I thought was my purpose.
I am a person who loves and loves deeply, with noone to love. Yeah, I know, I should try and start with myself. Somewhere along the way, I forgot to love myself. Truly. Deeply.
I let myself go. I didn’t care for my body internally or externally as I used to. I stopped wearing my retainer, so all that time and money I spent on braces, was undone a little. (Now to be honest, I like my front gap so I am okay with this lol). I have since got a cavity, need to have a tooth pulled and am visibly losing enamel in 2 teeth from improper maintenance. My back has been in a constant state of mild pain for the last 7-8 months. I don’t know what’s wrong but it hurts. I have been eating pizza rolls and ramen noodles like they are going out of style because they are cheap and easy. Sometimes I do not have the energy to eat because I spend on worrying or my anxiety. I did not go on any adventures last year. I went to Chicago to help my dad move and for a wedding for a dear friend.
After my two weeks off from work, to avoid being overwhelmed, i dedicated less time to overtime (unless mandatory) and just went to work and home. I enrolled in school and decided to work on education to allow me more career opportunities whether with my current employer or elsewhere. I downloaded Audible and started listening to books while I drove to and from work. Some were self-help, some were inspiring, other were just silly and for fun.
In 2019, I am going to start with the small things. A victory is a victory. In fact, the reason I even typed this blog post was because I felt as though I needed to share that I got a new desktop humidifier that looks like a tiny potted cactus and that I was going to cleanser and moisturize my face and go to bed as part of what I hope to be a consistent nighttime process. Yes, I am excited to tell you I washed my face.
This post lacks color and has not pictures.
It’s also 11pm and I should have my ass in bed or preparing to sleep.
XOXO - Erinn